Write Your Own Story. Live That Life / AR.
When it comes to boundary setting, one of the biggest fears people face is that others will think they are mean, unkind, selfish, etc.
And it makes sense…
Read MoreThe idea of open and honest communication, especially when it may be critical, causes us to tense up faster than nails on a chalkboard. The drive to avoid, bury or fluff it up is consuming. We don’t want to sit in discomfort. But we have to.
Read MoreIn our chaotic, achievement-oriented society, it's easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth by what we do rather than who we are. Our sense of self becomes dictated by how much we accomplish in a given day, linking our value to the tasks we complete, the goals we achieve, or the recognition we receive.
But to what end? What happens to our worth on a day we do less? What happens when we sleep in and aren’t as productive in the morning? What happens if we try something and fail? Are we no longer worthy?
Read MoreWe often assume that everyone thinks the same way we do. Unfortunately (and fortunately), that is not the case.
Shocker, right?
But it is not uncommon for our brain to project our own experiences, thoughts, and systems of operations onto others.
In many cases, we feel reactive when we find out they have a different viewpoint, value system, or internal narrative.
There are many instances in which this is incredibly powerful.
Gaining new perspectives or brainstorming creative problem-solving strategies, learning new ways to do something or engage in the world, connecting to people on a different level and expanding our view from the stories we have come to internalize to those around us as well.
But there are times in which this can cause rupture and tension — especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and making asks of each other.
Examples may include when to get married, what needs to be done around the house, how to approach a particular conversation, what it looks like to be considerate or "be there" for someone, or even how to send an email.
Our brain can trap us into assuming there is a "right way" or unilateral response and can lead to feelings of resentment and conflict when people operate differently.
Read MoreIf you are spending time talking yourself into a decision or trying to make the “yes” feel more palatable by minimizing the effect it will have on your life (it’s just an hour, it won’t take that much from me), these are signs your body is trying to communicate with you the answer is “no”.
I was listening to an episode of the Tim Ferris podcast where he interviews Diana Chapman, co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and a co-author of the book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. In their discussion, she talked a lot about connecting with our body and the idea of learning to recognize when we experience a “subtle no”.