We have all done this — start a new habit or skill and then when things aren’t immediately better, we stop and label the concept or practice as unhelpful.

But it’s important to remember that no skill, tool or practice works in isolation. Everything we do, practice, or integrate into our lives is part of a larger infrastructure.

And when the bulk of our life-fabric is coated in shame and self-loathing, panic and anxiety, of course your 5 minutes of meditation isn’t going to do much at all.

Do it anyway.

Raise your hand if you like certainty and guarantee. As humans, our brains are hard-wired to avoid discomfort.

Fear keeps us safe by eliminating possibility and uncertainty, which, over time, has equated to threats and safety hazards.

But at what cost?

You will let people down.

Radical acceptance is about controlling what you can control and letting go of the rest. Now, as I say this, you are probably thinking, "well, sure, but I can control whether or not I let people down. That's a ‘me’ problem because what I do is causing them pain, right?" WRONG.

Sure, there are circumstances that we can reflect back and see that we have been a jerk. We've done something hurtful or harmful to others — either personally or collectively (such as making a racist or oppressive comment).

Those points are our responsibility.

But what I am focusing on here is not that.

When our belief system is rooted in the fear that we are always a step away from losing connection — one of the things we need most of all to survive and thrive in this world — of course, we will find ourselves existing in a state of defense.

How many thoughts have our fear brains turned into certainties?

How often have they taken something uncomfortable and turned it into something detrimental? And how has that affected the way we show up in our daily lives?